Twelve to go and uh-oh...

I was paranoid that the radiation wasn't actually working, because after 5 weeks I had NO reddening or pain. Well, today it looks preeeeetty red. And last night it hurt when I slept on my stomach. Yeeeoooowww!!! At least I know it's working, but I'm scared it's going to get worse. I heard it could even blister and peel and turn purple.

And the update on the tattoos is that I found two amazing shops right near us. Both shops have award winning artists, and both do amaaaazing work. Now I just have to decide which one to choose. Decisions, decisions.

Things I'm grateful for today:

Um, just about everything!

Thirteen to go!...

I only have 13 more radiation treatments left!!! So far I haven't really had any side effects, which is good. It is waaaay easier and way better than the chemo.

I do have to start my Tamoxifen, which I'm not all that excited about. Two of it's worst side effects are Endometrial Cancer and Uterine Cancer. Because my tumor was estrogen receptive, I have to take it to block my estrogen. And I have to take it for 5 years! It's supposed to be very effective at preventing a reoccurance.

The most common side effect of Tamoxifen is HOT FLASHES! Ugh. No more hot flashes puuhhleeeeze!

Fight Like A Girl!...

Three years ago Nikki wanted to get her bellybutton pierced (at 16) and John said the ONLY way he'd allow it, is if she swore to never get a tattoo. Never. Even at 40! lol. She agreed, mostly because she was never passionate enough about anything to get one. Until now.

She asked me the other day if I thought John would agree to her getting a breast cancer tattoo. I was soooooo touched. Then she asked if I'd get one with her, and I said, YES!

So...John has reluctantly agreed, and we're planning our tattoos.

Nikki's will be the pink ribbon, surrounded by Mother's, Daughter's, Sister's, Friend's, in the shape of a heart.

And mine, which I am SO excited about, will be pink boxing gloves hanging from the pink breast cancer ribbon, instead of rope or string. It will say, "Fight Like A Girl". I think, Fight will be on top, and Like A Girl, on the bottom. But not sure yet. And I might have the Mother's, Sister's, Daughter's, Friend's, going around the ribbon in smaller writing.

Kim is getting one, too! Anyone want to join us for a good cause?

If you stand for Nothing, you'll fall for Anything...

I don't know why, but that saying has been stuck in my head for weeks. I love that saying because it is so true. It's so easy to be mislead by people or by things in this life, but if you stand firm in your beliefs, you will stay strong.

Why I'm grateful today:

I have a wonderfully supportive husband who is my rock.

My hair is starting to grow back! Seems trivial, but it sure feels good!

I'm alive.

MENOPAUSE SUCKS...

It is seriously kicking my butt. I'm only 41 and wasn't expecting this, yet. The hot flashes are HORRIBLE! My head sweats soooooooo bad, my heart races, my skin tingles, and I literally feel like I want and need to climb out of my skin. I hate it and never really understood what a hot flash was. I just assumed you got a little hot. HAHA! Soooooo NOT the case. It's indescribable unless you've experienced a true hot flash.

And the MOOOOOOOOD SWINGS! Oy. Stay out of my way, people! I can't even stand myself!

But...I am still grateful today, and here are some of the reasons why...

Jesus loves me no matter how grumpy and imperfect I am.
So does John :)
And my dogs.
Not so sure about my girls, lol, but I AM grateful for them!
Also for my friends, who I cherish and love very much.
Very grateful for the internet, and all the support groups it offers, especially the breast cancer chat I found last night when I REALLY needed it!

One more view of my favorite room...

I'm constantly straightening that one picture! Our garage door is to the left, and always causes that picture to move!

And there's an interesting story behind that green table (which I love) that I'll have to post. My "Jersey" attitude came in very handy that day!

This is the view from our backyard. Not sure how well you can see it, but in person, it's really pretty.

My hubby doing what he does best...

John's favorite spot. On the floor playing video games. Arrrggh. Well, at least when he's not on the computer playing poker. MEN! Gotta love 'em.

Christmas all year at our house...

And here's our little, country livingroom. The blanket on the back of the couch was made for me by Nikki, my youngest step-daughter. It's breast cancer fabric. And the patchwork quilt over to the right (is hanging on a rocker) was made by her as a christmas present to me. I LOVE snowmen and gingerbread, and the whole quilt is of them. It's beautiful in person.

This is our first house (at 41!) and we're all very proud of it.

My retreat...

The woman we bought the house from had lymphoma (yes, cancer, too!), and she created this backyard as her retreat, and now it's mine. There's a swing on the patio (that you can't see) where I love to sit and watch the sunset. It's gorgeous out here in the desert.

Is it REALLY September?!...

OMG! I haven't blogged since June! Where has the time gone?

SO MUCH has happened since June! Where to begin?

Well, for starters, I had my FINAL CHEMO ON JULY 18TH!! And although it was the roughest of all, IT'S DONE!!! And in spite of it being hard, my wonderful sister, Barb, was here from NJ taking care of me. So how can I really complain? She took amazing care of all of us. In fact, after she left John was sad because he got used to her delicious, HUGE meals everynight! :)

Not only did she care for us, but because of incredibly bad timing, we were moving into our new home ONE WEEK after my last treatment! Barb packed up our entire 3 bedroom apt herself. She's truly amazing.

So, July 18th final chemo, moved into new home July 30th!

That was very interesting. It's our first house, and we were super excited. But when we pulled up with the moving truck and all of our helpers, we found our house FLOODING from both bathroom celings. Uh...I kinda freaked, but as always, John was a rock.

Anyway, although we haven't fixed the damage yet, things are great here, and the homeowners insurance is paying. So, all is well.

SO...timeline...July 18th final chemo, July 30th MOVE, August 6th trip to Holland! I had one week (while still having major chemohead) to get my house in order.

We had a wonderful trip, thanks to my mil, who paid for the entire thing! My fil is 90 and very ill, and it was the first time I got to meet him. He's adorable! He's a bit of a ladies man, even at his age! I told John I was getting a shirt made up that said, "I went to Holland and all I got was this lousy T-shirt and accosted by Pop!" Everytime he hugged me, he practically ripped my wig off! lol. It was hilarious. I'd walk away from his bed all disheveled.

Ohhhh, the memories!

Okay. Since then. Got home from trip August 17th, started radiation treatments Aug 21st. I've been going EVERYDAY since then. Things *seem* to be going well. No side effects so far. I'm getting a bit paranoid that it isn't working! lol.

It's been 8 weeks since my last chemo, and unfortunately, my hair hasn't started growing at all yet, but I'm sure it's coming.

Whew. What else has been going on? Well, my nephew Joe, who lived us for 8 months, because of drug/alchohol abuse and other issues in NJ, decided to go back while we were in Holland. That was heartbreaking for me. He came in Dec of last year, and was making great strides, but then I got cancer, and his dad (my brother) ended up in Jail, and he went downhill. At 18, coming from an abusive family, he didn't have the coping skills to deal. John and I tried SO hard to reach him, but with my fatigue and chemo related side effects, I just couldn't find the strength to do it on a daily basis. It was VERY HARD, and I miss him terribly.

Well, this is already a novel, so I'll stop here.

Things I'm grateful for today...
Jesus
Being alive
My family
Friends
A beautiful, beautiful day outisde.